Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
