dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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