1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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