You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
