Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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