sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
