im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
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