I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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