A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
