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you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
