I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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