bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
