your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
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I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
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This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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