Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
