Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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