He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
