We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
