that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
