she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
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Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
where are my eyebrows?
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