and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
