Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
