you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
