I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
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