Sponge bath it is.
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Randomize
