I threw up into my coffee this morning.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
We were destined to go to rehab together
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
