life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Randomize
