You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
