He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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