she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
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