Swine flu. Run for my life!
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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