They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
