I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize