Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
