It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
