It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
