I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
he quoted the bible to break up with me
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
