The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
