there was a trapeze. enough said
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
It's official drugs can't kill me
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
