all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
