True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Still dying that you shit outside
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
