she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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