I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
