apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
