Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
