at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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