I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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