seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
