What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
