I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
