You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
