Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
