After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize