I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
