So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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