when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
