Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
