He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
