hotel room ftw
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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