I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
