Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
