you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
