woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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