fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
