I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize