you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
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