4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize