I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
